Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0
by PhoenixFire Lia
Summary: Well! Looks like Lia finally updated her freaking Reports! We end the season, gripe over next season's dub names, and give a review of summer programming. Fun, huh?
1. Week 1

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

We're back and better than ever!!!

It has been months since studio 348 Q has been opened. Once used to tape a mock-up of the Super Bowl featuring reruns from the first two seasons of Digimon and Terry Bradshaw, it had been taken over by a pair of renegade fangirls and the cast from their twisted imaginations. It was used to broadcast news reports regarding new episodes of their choice of anime show, the cast running the equipment and doing the reports. The English dubbers, Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz attempted to shut it down, but failed. And now, the studio has been reopened for the first time since episode fifty of Digimon Adventure 02. Prepare for the evolution.

~*~

The room had been repainted white, the equipment replaced with state-of-the-art machinery, and even the old reliable revolving chair at the news desk was oiled. The audience, comprised of fellow authors and fans, held their breaths in anticipation. The studio doors parted, and a lone figure walked across the empty soundstage, her blue Old Navy flip-flops clacking noisily in the dead silence. She brushed back a lock of long, dark hair and approached the chair. Upon sitting in it, the computer chair rolled back violently, causing the girl to flip backwards and fall over onto the ground. 

"OW! Goddamn, I _told _the interns to oil it, not supercharge the damn thing!"

She clamored up into the well-lubricated rotating chair and leaned over on the spotless white counter. 

"Welcome to the Weekly Digimon Reports, Version 2.0. I'm your host, Lia Agianna, and welcome to the age of the Tamer."

The room exploded in an uproar of cheers, and the random task digimon bodyguards had to be brought in to keep the audience under control. 

Lia grinned. "Well, it's good to be back in this chair, even if it is screwed now. As you'll see, the place has changed, and so have the Reports. But there's one thing that will never, ever change." 

She hit a button on the desk in front of her, lifting a garage door in the back, next to the bleachers where the audience was positioned. Fourteen figures walked in, their faces solemn. 

"That's right, gang! Like hell you're getting rid of us that easily!" Tai shouted triumphantly. 

Girls in the crowd started shrieking and throwing panties at various cast members, most prominently Matt and Ken. 

Kari, Yolei, and Davis were towards the back, counting out large wads of cash. 

"All right, let's get started. The first recap of the new season of Digimon goes to Matt, namely because he was the highest bidder in the auction. Matt?"

"Okay, here goes. The hour-long special mainly focused on new goggle boy, Takato. He has a sick obsession with Digimon, like most ten-year-olds today. He and his friends have card battles in the park, and watch the show, and make up their own digimon, the usual obsessive fan stuff. Anyway, Takato was heading off to school when he found a blue card mixed in among his regular digimon cards, and swiped it in his card reader, which promptly short circuited. Fiddling with that thing made him late for class, and while he was standing outside the hall, he came up with the idea for Guilmon. The teacher, well, we're pretty sure she's Kari. Yeah, so, later Takato's card reader turns into a digivice and it kinda eats the little notebook he drew Guilmon in and creates a digiegg. He falls asleep and either dreams or sees Ruki, now called Rika, and Renamon in a digimon battle. The twosome win, of course. Meanwhile, elsewhere, there's some weird people in chairs and Lia's convinced one of them is Yolei…who gets a name reference later in the show after Takato dons his goggles. Well, anyway, soon the digiegg hatches and there's a huge flash of light, and Guilmon emerges in a construction site. Takato takes him home to hide, and I'm certain his father knows something, but we're not sure what. And no, he's not Davis. This isn't Davis's kid, or Tai's. Takato's dad runs a bakery, not a noodle cart, and said he knew nothing about digimon from when he was a kid. Well, Takato has a hard time keeping Guilmon still, and Guilmon follows the kid to school where he gets into a whole lot of trouble. It's there that we really meet Lee, now called Henry, and his Terriermon. Takato finds Guilmon and they plan on hiding him in the park, where Ruki and Renamon are waiting for a battle. That's…pretty much it. Oh, except for Culumon, the little koala digimon that has a thing for playing, and this scary girl that has a sock puppet on her arm!"

Lia nodded. "Perfect. Well, since Nimoy and Buchholz no longer work there, *snicker*, we can't exactly do a 'what's wrong with this picture' anymore. Tai's going to give us his enlightened opinion, though, and then we'll move onto the new segment."

Tai nodded smartly. "Yeah. Hey everybody! Glad to be back, huh? Yeah, so anyway, we're trying to figure out the story here, cuz Lia didn't look much of anything up on the Internet. Like Matt said, we're pretty sure Takato's teacher is my kid sister because hey, doesn't she look like Kari? And that's her voice! As for the Yolei in the chair, we don't know about her. And what's with that scary dude in the shadows? Sounds like a bad cross between Oikawa and Matt's dad. The show's going to be so awesome without Nimoy and Buchholz doing the dubs, there weren't as many goofy puns and there were random people kissing, so…yeah! But, um, you know, since we're not in it the show still kinda sucks."

Sora grinned. "Maybe next week somebody will be playing songs from the Teenage Wolves CD."

Yolei moaned. "No! No more of him!"

Cody snickered, glancing in T.K.'s general direction. "Maybe the guy in the shadows is Mafia Boss T.K."

"Wha?! Are you nuts?"

"Okay, now, time for our newest segment. Actually, it's just something to keep Nicki occupied and not at somebody's throat. We're taking you now to the Psychiatrist's Couch, with Nicki Sjolin."

Nicki glared at Lia from her cushioned barstool. "Psychiatrist's Couch? What the hell are you babbling about? I'm not doing no…hey, what's _he _doing here?"

Takato sat down on the couch, leaning back on the pillows. Willis, offstage producer of all things technical, came on over the PA. 

"You're supposed to talk with them about stuff. Like an interview."

"Well then why did we call it a 'Psychiatrist's Couch?' Hmm?"

Takato tapped his foot impatiently against the side of the couch. "Can we just do this?"

Nicki sighed. "Fine. So, Takato, how long have you had this goggle boy complex?"

"Wha? Goggle boy complex? Whaddya mean?"

Nicki sighed. "It's obvious you're trying to be like Tai and Davis. What's the deal?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Big hair, blue shirt, goggles, lizard-type digimon. Well, we're not sure what Veemon is but still…"

"I'm not trying to copy them! It's just the way I was animated!"

"Sure…so then how come Davis is doing the narrating? Hmm?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!!"

Shadowmon popped up onto Nicki's lap. "I figured out why they called this segment 'Psychiatrist's Couch.' It's cuz when you get through interviewing these kids they'll need a psychiatrist!"

Lia blinked, turning her chair away from the monitor. "Okay, that was disturbing. We may have to cut that segment. Well, that's all the time we have this morning, because I have to run across the hall and do a Disasterpiece. For the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. Keep it here for all your updates. And if you see 'Michael Reisz' anywhere in the credits, gimme a holler! Matt shall never die! MUAHAHAHAHA!"

Joe frowned. "That's the last time any of you give her sugar, understood?"

~*~

Meanwhile, in the basement of FOX Kids Studios, Seth Walther and a few of the other new dubbers were sitting around a Ouija board. 

"If the spirits of Jeff and Bob are present now, give us a sign!"

A bluish light filled the room. "We'll give you more than just a sign, Seth."

"You will not be allowed to stand in our way, Seth. We will get what we want, Seth."

~*~

**So…be on the lookout for these every weekend there's a new episode!**

**_I thought you didn't like Tamers!_**

**Well, now that there's a slim chance I'll hear you whispering sweet nothings through the speakers, I'll take anything I can get. **

**_Fecking fangirl. _**

**_ _**


	2. Week 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

We need a new box.

Lia was running around backstage like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to find Ken so he could fix her clip mike. Instead, she collided head-on with Willis, our happy little producer buddy. Well, um, at the moment he wasn't too happy. 

"Lia, that mean girl's being mean again!" he whimpered, pointing off towards the Tamers wing. 

The brunette girl shook her head in annoyance. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder… Ignore her, Willis. She's mean to everybody. Now, where's Ken?"

Five minutes and a wad of duct tape later, the show was off and running. 

"Welcome to another weekend at Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm your host, Lia Agianna. Well, now that Tamers has started up, they've already assumed the old Saturday time slots for Digimon, nine and ten-thirty. I wish they'd just keep the two episodes together, that way I don't have to put the timer on whenever we go out to the mall before the second episode starts. Anyway, let's get right to the recap with our favorite redhead, Sora."

"Thanks, Lia. Well, Takato had his hands full with Ruki/Rika and Renamon, and Guilmon was a serious fighting machine until he was called off. Lee/Henry and Terriermon made a lot of screen time, and both Takato and his digimon really seemed to hit it off with them, forming a fast friendship…which of course can't compare to ours. I mean, these guys are definitely no Matt and Tai, or Davis and Ken. Meanwhile, Ruki/Rika is a real brat and cares only about making Renamon fight. Renamon goes along with it because she has to, but we wonder if that's what she really wants. After a while, Takato and Guilmon met up with Ruki/Rika and Renamon again, in a parking garage and started to have another battle. Lee/Henry arrived with Terriermon, who nearly got blown up. Terriermon digivolved into Galgomon/Gargomon and started a mad shooting rush! That was the end of the first episode. Second episode was mainly Lee/Henry having flashbacks about why he hates making Terriermon fight and worse still, digivolve. It had to do with a computer battle he had against a Gorillamon, which ultimately caused Lee/Henry to become a Tamer, in pretty much the same way as Takato…only he already had Terriermon, just in the computer. Gorillamon bio-emerged in the real world and Guilmon and Terriermon got into a battle, but they were able to defeat him. And that was pretty much it. Back to you, Lia."

"Right. Well, I have a bone to pick with the dubbers, so let's head over to Mimi with a 'What's Wrong With this Picture?' segment for us. Mimi?"

"Yeah! Well, we've already determined Ruki/Rika is a real brat. Terriermon and Culumon are absolutely adorable, and that guy in the suit is to be now known as Mafia T.K. because we say so. However, there's just one little itsy bitsy problem. It's with the Gargomon thing. According to a digimon encyclopedia, 'Gargomon' is a totally different digimon than 'Galgomon,' the true name of Terriermon's champion form. In fact, I think Gargomon is a digi-armor evolution of somebody…Veemon, maybe. The only other thing I'm concerned with is Davis's job as a narrator, and the fact that all the other Digidestined are getting paid because their voice actors are making appearances but not me! Even Matt's making money, and he's not in the show at all!"

Matt snuck off with his wad of cash…wearing a black business suit and a pair of dark sunglasses, flicking a metal lighter. 

"Mafia T.K., humph."

Lia leaned over her desk and whispered into the camera. "Actually, I think he's getting paid to do a two-bit role on Medabots, but I could be wrong."

Mimi was still sulking in the corner. "Look at all the cash Yolei rakes in! She's in everything! She's Biyomon, she's herself, she's the Hypno in Tamers, she's Sara from Flint, she's a reporter in Transformers, and probably half a dozen other roles! And what about me? I'm CODY for God's sake! CODY!"

Lia blinked. "Oh-kay, I think we'll be moving onto Nicki's segment…maybe…if she doesn't try killing our guest again."

Nicki was sitting next to her psychiatry couch, waiting for the next member of the Tamers cast to enter. Lee or Henry, whichever you prefer, strolled in with his Terriermon on his head. 

"All right, _Henry, _let's discuss your name first of all. Where the hell did they get that out of Lee? Huh?"

"Actually, Lee isn't my real first name. Lee's my last name. My first name is Jenrya. Kind of like getting 'Izzy' from the last name 'Izumi' rather than the first name 'Koushiro.'"

"All right, then why is it you sound vaguely like the BakaYama when it's not his voice actor?"

"…Because it happens. Like R. Martin Klein doing a pretty good Tentomon after Nimoy took off."

Nicki was getting frustrated, since Lee/Henry wasn't freaking out like Takato did. It was her job to intimidate the Tamers. 

"Okay…then why do you look like a re-colored Willis?"

"I DO NOT!"

Willis came flying onstage, sobbing hysterically and clutching his bunny rabbits for all their worth. 

"That mean girl said I wasn't a Digidestined and that I wasn't good enough to be here and that Henry should take over for me forever because I'm worthless!" he howled. Lia groaned. 

"We're _definitely _going to have to do something about Ruki/Rika's attitude problems. Somebody go find Boss Reo, he'll calm Willis down. In the meantime…Joe, go get some narcotics and dope her up so she can't pick on defenseless cast members again."

Lee/Henry and his Terriermon were eyeing Willis sourly. "Little blonde knockoff."

"Momentai, Henry," Terriermon mumbled. 

"Would you quit saying that?"

"Well, that was another edition of the Weekly Digimon Reports. Stay tuned for another episode next weekend, where maybe Ruki/Rika will nicen up, Veemon can have a crack at his evil twin brother Impmon, and Davis will hopefully stop making stupid jokes in the narration. I'm Lia Agianna. Later!"

~*~

Terri Lei O'Malley was meeting with her group of English dubbing lackeys; including Seth Walther and those other people that did the past couple episodes. 

"You're telling me Jeff Nimoy and Bob Buchholz came out of the Ouija board and attacked you with attempted bad dubbing?"

They nodded miserably. 

"They also told us something awful about the Rika girl. Something worse than bad dubbing and losing profits from Digimon because all our merchandising is stuck in the first season."

"What?"

And Seth and the dubbers began recounting their horrible tale, while elsewhere, Makino Ruki (or Rika) and Renamon listened in. 

~*~

**Reviews! Let's get some reviews!**

**_I really hope that wasn't me in Medabots. That would be so degrading._**

Nah, you'll just be the stuntman for the villain. Hmm, I wonder if I could digi-modify Wizardmon to be a little less overprotective. 

**_I highly doubt that. _**

**_ _**


	3. Week 3

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

This land is your land, this land is my land…

The usually white WDR set has been bedecked with American flags and the entire staff is wearing ribbons pinned to their shirts. Lia is sitting somberly in her revolving chair, not fidgeting like she usually does. The rest of the gang is milling around. 

"Hey, welcome to another weekend at the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna. Our top story, terrorist attacks on America. As the animated persona of a real live human being, I only live in Japan to make plot sense. Otherwise, the _real _Lia was born and bred in the USA…fortunately nowhere near the attacks. Half an hour's ride from Logan Airport, but not near the actual attacks. We send our condolences to the people of New York, Washington DC, Pennsylvania and everywhere else, our hearts and prayers are with you. In light of the recent events, I convened with the cast present and we reached a decision: the Weekly Digimon Reports and Disasterpiece Theater will continue to air. Though this is a serious time, my fellow Digidestined and I feel that a little humor goes a long way to comfort everyone who's scared for our nation right now. It may not be as good as helping on the front lines, or donating blood (I'm too young, anyways), but it's what I do best."

Joe placed a large jar on the corner of Lia's desk. "We're asking that all of you in the audience make a donation, no matter how small, so we can send the money to those who need it most. Right now Mimi is stuck in America as all of the flights are canceled, but she and her family are all right, as are Michael and the rest of the American Digidestined."

A shot pans over to Willis, who's crying onto his clipboard on the couch. 

"So, then let's start our weekend. Izzy, a recap, please."

"Right. Takato and Lee/Henry had their hands full today with that playful digimon Culumon…we're not quite sure how they're spelling the dub name yet…the television Lia watches her shows on doesn't have captioning and her sisters hoard the one that does. Anyway, this playful little creature wanted to engage in a game of soccer, and so it painted the fields with chalk lines. Takato and Lee/Henry tried to find a Tamer for it, but were unsuccessful. Kazu, Juri/Jeri and Lee/Henry's sister Susie were their prime targets. It also coerced Guilmon into helping make such a mess, and they ended up having to fight with a Vilemon that bio-emerged. Meanwhile, we learn a little more about Ruki/Rika and Renamon, Impmon makes his grand appearance, and Renamon digivolves to something that we also can't spell after a fight with the second most reappearing digimon, Dokugumon. The first being Kuwagamon, of course. Oh, and Mummymon, Aquilamon, and several other of last season's digimon made attempted appearances in a flashback."

"Thanks, Izzy. Joe, what's your opinion on today's double feature?"

"I think there were definite dub changes this week, but we're still not sure where. As for Impmon, it's decided that he sounds like Veemon minus the lisp plus a bad New York accent. And I still think Davis makes a lousy narrator!"

Davis shrugged, depositing part of this week's paycheck in the bucket up front. "Huh? Don't look at me, I just read the scripts."

Cody walked by with an armload of scripts. "You mean these scripts that I found in _my _trashcan?"

"Uh…no?"

Lia sighed. "And now, over to Nicki in the psychiatry couch, where she's interviewing Ruki/Rika, I think."

Indeed, Ruki/Rika was swinging her legs back and forth impatiently on the couch, glancing at the clock every two seconds. 

"Are we done yet? I have fights I could be winning."

"We haven't even started. Now _Rika, _why is it your grandmother looks like Nancy and your mother like an older Mimi? Huh?"

"Beats the hell out of me. Why would I want to consort with season one characters, anyway?"

"All right…then why do you look like Misty?"

"Misty? That P***mon drip? What are you getting at? That I'm some sort of rip-off?"

Nicki was pleased. After pummeling Matt last week, angering Rika and three hours of DBZ would round things out nicely. 

"And is it true that you're going soft?"

"I AM NOT GOING SOFT! I AM THE DIGIMON QUEEN AND YOU WILL BOW BEFORE ME!"

"And another digiegg cracks," she snickered, tallying off Ruki/Rika's name. "Only two more and I get a week's vacation in Oahu."

"This has been the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna, standing up for the land of the free and the home of the brave, because I'm an American and I'm damn proud of it!"

The crew would have to get a backhoe to get the donations over to the bank, the money poured in so much. 

~*~

Meanwhile, Austin Veemon was on mission in Tamers Wing to drop a brick on his evil twin brother's head and ship him to Beirut. 

"He'sh not going to get away sho eashily thish time," he muttered. 

Pausing outside one of the dressing room doors, he could hear someone talking to Ruki/Rika. 

"Another week and you'll be ready to strike, Rika. The fecking author and her Alliance will not defeat me again, Rika. You will stop her, Rika."

_That shounds like Nimoy, _Vee thought._ But he'sh dead!_

"I will do whatever you want me to, Sir. You can count on it, Sir."

_I've gotta warn Davish and the othersh…right after a double cheesheburger!_

~*~

******---------**

******---------**

**---------------**

**And crown Thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea.**

**_God bless America and the good people in it. _**


	4. Week 4

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Good, clean fun.

Well, we're back in the WDR studio, where Lia is slumped over the table, her head in her hands. The younger peerage was drawing straws as to who would go poke her with a large pointy stick. Everyone else is counting large wads of cash…well, maybe not everyone. 

"It's not FAIR!" Mimi shrieked in her usual tirade. "Izzy gets money because his voice actor is Culumon/Calamon and in Medabots, Kari gets a paycheck, Yolei, Davis, hell, they pay _Black Wargreymon, _but do I get anything? NO!" 

Matt stole a drumstick from his bandmates and winged it at Lia's head, decking her. 

"Huh?! Wha? Oh, we're on. Hey, welcome to the weekend, and the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna. I'd be a little more active, but I was up until twelve thirty babysitting, I was up at eight to do a car wash until noon, and now I'm off to serve dessert at a chicken barbeque. For some inexplicable reason, there was only one new episode this weekend and they repeated the Rika/Renamon episode at nine. Why? Because FOX hates us…so let's go to T.K. and find out just what happened. Teek?"

"Righty-o. Well, Takato got all freaked out because Guilmon started disappearing…but then he reappeared. We found out just a little more about Yamaki and the Hypnos…that's the scary Mafia Matt and the two crazy ladies that hide out in the two towers and trace digimon. Well, Takato and Guilmon chased Ruki/Rika and Renamon around after having a little chat with Culumon/Calamon. Guilmon disappeared, but not totally because he was still traceable by the digivices…or D3's…or whatever they call them now. Guilmon was actually stuck inside a white energy field and everyone nearly got deleted because of Yamaki and his Yolei-slave Riley and some program they had. And yes, Black Wargreymon and Angemon's voice actors are people on the show."

"Thank you T.K. And let's see…Kari, do you have any opinion whatsoever to bestow upon us?"

Kari shook her head. "Not really, Lia. Other than the fact we were promised two episodes and only got one. I hope that doesn't happen next week."

"Actually, I hope it does happen because now my tape has two of the same episodes and it's all messed up. Had I known, I would've only timed the second one, but I didn't because I was washing cars. Um…oh, breaking news from Patamon. Let's go live to the pig. Patamon?"

"Hey! What are you people waiting for? It's September 23, you have until October 1st to get those Batpig entries in! As of today, we have _one _entry! So if you don't get moving, Anorexic Chibi is going to walk away with the limited edition, one of a kind Batpig commemorative picture featuring the Caped Crusaders, the Austin Powers Trio, and the Alliance…who now have their own spin-off series written by Lia and Boss Reo under the pen name 'the Alliance.' THE BATPIG COMMANDS YOU TO READ IT!"

Biyomon cracked the orange pork rind over the head. "Enough with the shameless plugging!"

Lia nodded. "Right, now over to the Psychiatry Couch with Nicki and her dish on…Nicki, who _are _you dishing on this week?"

"A mental case if I ever saw one. Culumon/Calamon, the purple and white playful wad of bellybutton lint that everyone loves. Calamon, why is it you're obsessed with playing?"

"Cuz it's FUN!" 

"Right. Are you on crack?"

"What's that?"

"You sniff glue, don't you?"

Culumon/Calamon thought for a moment. "Um…I ate a bucket of paste the other day, does that count?"

"Doesn't it bother you that you don't have a Tamer and you're all alone in a world where people can pluck off your fur, grill you, slap you between two buns and call you the next ninety-nine cent value meal?"

"I found a penny, and I rolled it all the way down the street!"

"Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?"

Again, the little koala-ish thing had to think. "Uh…wanna see me make a bubble with my spit?" 

**Ah, the age old Animaniacs quote…almost as timeless as 'hello nurse.' **

Nicki groaned, slumping over in her chair. "I think I just found someone more annoying than Shad. This is Nicki from the Psychiatry Couch. Everyone sucks but Trunks and Goten."

Izzy, from the tech booth, looked stricken. "Does that mean she doesn't love me anymore?"

Tentomon (voiced by R. Martin Klein and not the evil Nimoy) sighed. "Here we go again."

Lia fiddled with her watchband for a minute. "Oh, I'm back. Well, that's all we've got for today, gang. Join me again next week for more of the Weekly Digimon Reports. Good night, and Miss Massachusetts should've won the Miss America Pageant because she didn't look like Jenna Elfman (Dharma from _Dharma and Greg_) and she was from Massachusetts (my state shweet state)."

Matt, Tai, Joe, and T.K. stood around the television watching the highlights from the pageant. 

"Whoa, check her out."

"Implants."

"Yeah, but she's got nice thighs."

"Now how slutty can you get?"

The respective girlfriends of said bishounen stood behind them, tapping their feet and coughing. 

"…Of course, Mimi could beat them any day."

"Joe, are you on weed? Sora's way better than Mimi!"

"Kari lights up, what more do you want in the talent department?"

"Mm-mm, Lia has all three of them covered. She writes, sings, acts, promotes world peace, and had about a 4.2 GPA (grade-point average) last year. Smart, sexy…and I'm getting paid to say all this, right?"

Matt got clocked with a microphone and retreated to his dressing room. 

~*~

You're probably wondering why Veemon didn't report what he saw to us yet. Well, Veemon (like me) has the memory span of a goldfish, and thus he has completely forgotten what he was going to say. I kid you not. He got back to the set and forgot what he was going to say, so he went off to the company kitchenette and made himself a bowl of Ramen noodles. 

~*~

**_I still think you should be Miss America. _**

**You're just sucking up. **

**_Yeah, but aren't I cute when I do it?_**

Ye gods, he sounds like me. Go talk amongst yourselves, I'll give you a topic. Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island. Discuss. 


	5. Week 5: Special Edition

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Catering to your every whim for ONE WHOLE YEAR! 

Lia was sitting in her studio chair, a big ol' throw blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She whimpered, wiping at her eyes as she closed the word processing document on her computer screen. Matt wandered over, adjusting his hair and counting out the bills from a large wad of cash. 

"Hey, you okay?" he questioned. 

Lia sniffled. "Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm okay. Just that Annie's last episode of her series is super-sad. Where'd you get that cash…I didn't think you were working."

"Michael (Reisz, Yama's dub actor) apparently sold his soul to the WB to be some British guy on the _Mummy _series. Now get out of that chair."

"Wha?! Now wait a minute! This is _my _show! You have no right to…"

Matt grabbed the side of the chair and gave it a shove backstage. "Yolei! Make sure she doesn't get loose!"

"GOTCHA!" came the holler as Yolei clamped her arms down on the hostage author, rendering her immobile. 

"Hey, and welcome to a special edition of the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm your host for the weekend, Matt Ishida. We're getting right to the action, folks, with our roving reporters Ken and Davis. Guys?"

Ken and Davis quickly put away their own large wads of cash from doing work on Tamers (and Ken has a job as being stunt-double for Koji from Medabots). 

"Right, Matt. We actually had two episodes this weekend, both centering around Guilmon and the problems with that circus reject Impmon. First we find Impmon harassing young couples in the park, and winds up getting Guilmon framed. Needless to say, Takato wasn't pleased with his partner. Impmon let a Devidramon out of his Digital Field, and thus it was flying around Shinjuku like…well, a Devidramon flying around Shinjuku. After Takato apologized for yelling at Guilmon, our little red dinosaur digivolved to Growmon/Growlmon. In the second episode, Takato couldn't get Growmon/Growlmon to devolve back to Guilmon. Calamon/Culumon was up to his usual playful mischief and Impmon was up to his usual mischievous mischief…it took a rainbow for things to finally work out okay."

"So will things be okay? And what's with Impmon and how come he looks like Circus Freak Veemon? And why is Calamon/Culumon always around when somebody digivolves? Stay tuned for more Digimon: Digital Monsters!"

Matt groaned and Ken threatened to bean his boyfriend with a leaf whistle patented by Chiriko of _Fushigi Yuugi. _

**Who in their right minds plays a leaf for a musical instrument?**

**_A thirteen-year-old boy that looks like an eight-year-old girl?_**

"Davis…"

"Right. So now, on to Nicki with her usual Psychiatry Couch. Insane bit…I mean, Nicki?"

"Watch yourself, BakaYama. One of these days I'm gonna beat you senseless…or get Trunks and Goten to do it for me…or get Trowa and Quatre to do it for me…"

Shadowmon sighed. "I am never, _ever _letting her watch Toonami again. Ever."

"Today's patient for the Psychiatry Couch…Impmon. So tell me, Impmon, what was it like living at the circus with Trowa and Catherine?"

"Lady, it sucked!" our blue, New York accented Veemon with an attitude spat. "Dat Trowa kid says nothing, and when he does say somethin' it's gotta be about his amnesia…or Heavyarms, or how much he loves Quatre. And that Catherine nut? Pouring soup down people's throats? I'd rather live with Wufei and Sally Po any day! Or at least them Mangunacs."

"Right. And what's with the whole mime thing?"

"Dunno. Hey, I lived with Catherine the Soup Nazi and the kid known as the Silent Clown. Whaddya want, eh?"

Nicki nodded. "And you're a pyro?"

"Yeah, sweetheart, I am. Gotta problem with it? Bada-boom!"

Shadowmon hissed. "There'll be no hurling fireballs in _my _office, you blue bastard!"

"Such words. You oughta calm down, kitty, or else you'll get worms."

"W-w-worms, Nicki?"

"Ignore him. Now, the whole scaring couples thing? Mind explaining that?"

"What can I say? Gets dat author chick outta that there pretty boy's dressing room pretty quick, don't it? Dat love mush is all too…mushy…if ya ask me. Better if everyone blew everyone else up…if ya knows what I'm sayin' here?"

Nicki rubbed her hands together connivingly. "So if I asked you to eighty-six BakaYama, you'd do it?"

Matt quickly motioned to end Nicki's session, sweatdropping. "O-kay, we're moving on now to the special portion of our show. Is everything ready up there?"

"Get your hands off that laptop, Ichijouji!"

"Shut up, Izumi, you're not the genius around here anymore!"

"You shut up! You grow up to marry Yolei and become a detective! I'm at least a computer research-y person!"

"But do we go by those standards here? No, we don't. And your girlfriend doesn't seem to like you anymore, whereas I am still loved by all."

"GUYS, KNOCK IT OFF!" Tai hollered.

"Thank you, Tai."

"No problem, Matt. If you need me to hit anyone, you know where I'll be."

The remaining portion of the cast not yet mentioned appeared, lugging a cake the size of the Trojan Horse. Joe groaned and nearly tripped over the rope. 

"You _had _to go overboard, didn't you, Mimi?"

"But it's so pretty, isn't it? I especially like the sparkly sprinkles!"

Cody went up into the control booth, separated his elder peers, who were engaged in a genius sissy-fight, and lowered the giant screen-y thing. 

"Okay, Yolei, get Lia out here!" 

Yolei, being Yolei, gave Lia a hard shove, sending her careening across the stage in her chair and ends up airborne before landing ungracefully in a heap. 

"I said get her out here, not kill her!" Matt hollered. 

"Same difference."

T.K. groaned. "Yeah, well, while Matt's busy having a conniption fit, I'd like to welcome everyone to our one-year-anniversary special. CUE THE MOVIE!"

Lia blinked. "Movie? What movie?"

Actually, it was more of a slide show, as narrated by Matt, because he's the one who planned all this. What, you thought Kari or Sora was capable of grand-scale show planning? 

"Here we have a young Lia, engrossed in her first television obsession, _Sesame Street. _From here she would move to finer arts, like anime."

Said author groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Where did you get that?"

Sora grinned. "Long talk with your mother."

"I hate you, Mommy. I really, really hate you for this."

"And here's Lia, hard at work on her first independent Digimon fanfic, in the beginning of the eighth grade. It was this same year that she first discovered Fanfiction.net and got hooked."

Yolei started laughing at the eighth-grade gawkiness of Lia and Nicki until they beaned her with several shovels. 

"Lia writes Batpig Forever back in August, right before her freshman year. She did it as a stupid independent thing, but when she finally figured out how to fill out the author forms at ff.net it was her first fanfic. And nearly seventy stories and a whole year later, she's still writing, still making us laugh, and still completely insane. So, here's to you, Lia."

"Speech! Speech! Speech!" everyone started hollering. 

"Oh, gimme a break," she sighed. "Yeah, well, it has been a year since I started here. I didn't quite get to a hundred fics, but I should be able to do that soon. It's been so much fun writing here and making friends with all of you…on a quick side note Monday at midnight is the Batpig deadline…and on another note gifts and such are greatly appreciated…"

"Lia…" 

"What?! I was just saying…always down my throat, Muse. Yeah, so here's to a great year and to many more after that."

"And if we can find anything good enough, we may be posting the independent fics never before seen by eyes other than Lia's real friends," Gomamon pointed out. 

"WHAT?! No, no, no! You're not…Matt! You get back here! Quit running! I know where you live, and I have your keys! MATT!"

~*~

**_Kawaii Li'l Lia: Oct. 1, 2000-Oct. 1, 2001 _**

**Now review! **


	6. Week 6

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2

Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

I made a SCRUNCHIE!!! 

Lia was sitting in her dressing room, playing with the scrunchies she made in fashion class, reading yaoi Gundam Wing doujinshi and watching an OVA of Rayearth.

There was a knock on the door, Matt poking his head into the room. 

"The audience is getting restless out there. Maybe you should…what's that look for?"

"I'm not speaking to you, Matt!"

The muse sighed. "What did I do this time?"

"_YOU SOLD YOUR SOUL TO THE WB!"_

"Huh?"

Lia stopped her movie, and through the will of the author displayed the credits for the Mummy series. 

"See, right there? _MICHAEL REISZ! _You've been brainwashed by that fecking Pikachu!"

"But my voice actor's been on several networks and you didn't have a fit before. And he did something this weekend for Tamers. Calm down, Lia. I haven't sold my soul to the Pikachu."

"I'm still not happy about it. For the love of Wizardmon, you're British!"

~*~

"I wouldn't do it if you paid me to, Davis!"

"Oh, come on, T.K. be a sport. It'd be funny!"

"No it wouldn't be, and my name's…hey wait, you said it right for once."

Davis shrugged. Ken and Kari walked onto the set, looking perplexed. 

"What are you two fighting about now?" Kari sighed, wrapping a spandex-coated arm around T.K. 

"Davis says Lia saw a Patamon costume in a party store while she was helping her sister find a Halloween costume and he wants me to wear it," T.K. snapped. 

"It _would _be cute," Kari giggled. 

"No way! Not on your life, Kari Kamiya!"

Ken ran his fingers through his hair, pulling out a few strands. "Funny how there aren't any girls' costumes, you know? I mean, for P***mon they have a few girlish outfits, but you don't see any for our casts."

"Because Digimon's technically a boys' show," T.K. stated. 

"Here comes Lia. Looks like the coffee break is over," Davis groaned. 

"Hey everybody! Welcome to another episode of Weekly Digimon Reports. Two all-new adventures for the Tamers crowd this weekend, chock full of moody goodness. So, to get right to the action, let's go to our recap artist, Yolei. Go ahead, Yolei."

"BINGO! Okay, so Ruki/Rika was being all moody and stuff, and she was being followed around with spooky visions, really Ken style, you know? Turns out it was IceDevimon, voiced by a really creepy Michael Reisz, better known as our resident hottie Matt. He wanted Ruki/Rika to be his Tamer because she was so cold, but the boys and Renamon rescued her in the nick of time with a bit of quick thinking by Takato and a little digivolving from Renamon, only to have Ruki/Rika turn around and say she hates digimon, making Renamon run off. The other episode focused on how Lee/Henry hates making Terriermon fight, and Terriermon had to fight Musyamon in order to save a little girl. Culumon/Calamon, Impmon and the Hypnos were running amok, and Lee/Henry's crazy sister Suzie was at it again with her Miss Pretty-Pants deal. Lia?"

"Thanks, Yolei. Let's see…nothing to rant about…Nicki, anybody on the couch this weekend?"

The camera pans over to Nicki's set, where a gijinka Shadowmon was chasing Matt around with a hypodermic needle. 

"Come on, we can play Doctor and I can pretend to give you morphine! It'll be fun!"

"I'm Nicki, and you're on the Psychiatry Couch. Our guest today is Yamaki, head of the high-tech team Hypnos. Yamaki, just who are you, anyways? Mafia T.K. or a reincarnation of the BakaYama?"

Yamaki said nothing, flicking his lighter open and closed. 

"You don't happen to work for the Men in Black, do you?"

Yamaki continued to flick said lighter open and closed. 

"Goddamn, say something! You just sit there and play with that lighter and yell at your flunkeys all episode, tracking down digimon on an IMAX screen and doing something we Americans can't comprehend because we're further behind in the episodes than the Japanese!"

"You're a wild one. Riley! Send out program YUGOTH and destroy this thing before it bio-emerges!"

Nicki shrieked. "_I GIVE UP! _Shadowmon, we're going!"

The cat-girl stopped. "Where?"

"Cartoon Network. You and me, we're going to spend a little time with Trunks, Goten and Krillin."

"But they scare me!"

Lia banged her head against the table several times. "It's my universe and yet I have no control over it. Goddamn. This is Lia Agianna for the Weekly Digimon Reports. I have nothing left to say except if you're a rabid Matt fan and you don't get your daily requirement of Ishida-ness, I suggest tuning into the Mummy, Saturdays at nine-thirty on Kids' WB. He'll be the British tar working for the dead man in the trench coat."

"What's a tar?" Biyomon asked. 

"A soaring soul as free as a mountain bird," Sora replied. 

"Huh?"

"It's a sailor," Izzy stated. "Sora was making reference to lyrics from the Gilbert and Sullivan musical."

"We're still lost, but that's okay," Tentomon sighed. 

"WAIT!" Veemon hollered, running onto the set. "Don't end the epishode jusht yet! It'sh important!" 

"What?" Tai moaned. 

"It'sh Ruki…or Rika…whoever she ish. SHE'S REALLY SHPAWN OF JEFF NIMOY!"

"_WHAT?!" _

"Oh my God oh my God oh my God oh my God!" Mimi squealed. 

"Just like Treize and Mariemeia," Joe muttered. 

"Well, we're screwed. Somebody go into the storage closet and get out the fatigues now," Wizardmon mumbled, shaking his head. 

~*~

**To be worried about at a later date.**

I'm in the money! Working full-time on the WB and part-time on Tamers… Shut up, Yamato, or else… *whispers in his ear* 

**_Shutting up. _**


	7. Week Whatever

The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Whoa…it's been a very long time since I've done one of these.

            Well, we're finally back in Studio Thirteen doing a Report! Lia's not committed to anything hugely huge other than her Missions trip, but that's next week's problem. The four seasons of Digidestined, yes, four, were all chilling in the studio when they realized it might be a good idea to get back into the swing of all that crap they left hanging. 

            "So on that note, welcome to the biggest recap of the century! We left off with that IceDevimon episode and the season's almost over, so it's time we finish things up. Welcome back to the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. Since we _have _been gone for so long, we'll let Shadowmon, the most talkative of the cast members, recap an entire half a season's worth of episodes in good time. Go ahead, cat."

            "Whee! All righty, well, so much has happened so I'm just gonna go. Twelve super-strong Ultimate level digimon wreaked havoc on Shinjuku…okay, so not all of the twelve but that comes later. Those were the Devas. Because of them, Guilmon, Renamon and Terriermon digivolved to their ultimate levels. The Devas consequently got their collective tails kicked…again, not all of them because Antylamon the rabbit Deva eventually becomes Suzie Wong's Lopmon. Jeri partners up with Leomon, who eventually dies. Man, it's like a curse to be a Leomon! Every season a Leomon dies. Yamaki isn't as scary as he used to be, even though he still looks like Mafia T.K., only now he looks like Mafia T.K. on vacation. And Hypnos is pretty much defunct. Because one of the Devas, Makuramon the monkey, kidnapped Calumon, all the kids find a way into the Digital World to rescue him. And when I say all, that includes Kazu and Kenta. And Impmon makes a deal with the Devas that if he offs the Tamer crew, he'll be able to digivolve. Enter his mega form, which Lia is too stupid to be able to spell but knows it looks close enough to Beezlemon. More problems occur, they get separated frequently, we run into a bunch of Gekomon and Otamamon…sorry Mimi, no Princess Karaoke…Kazu gets a Guardromon. The Devas end up taking Calumon to the Digimon Sovereign, who just so happens to be one of the four Digital Gods, the Phoenix one who we're not even gonna attempt spelling. And Azulongmon shows up, but we don't really know if it's the same Azulongmon. And there's a kid named Ryo who runs around the Digital World too and thinks he's so cool cuz he has a bandanna. And now the kids can do this bio-merge digivolve thing that makes them meld with their digimon to make their mega level. And Calumon's in danger. And there's this evil cranberry sauce taking over the Digital World. And I think that's gonna do it." 

            Sora glanced over at her Season One comrades. "That was about as clear as mud. Can you make heads or tails of it, Izzy?"

"Well…"

Matt was glowering at the two of them. "That line's getting pretty old."

"Like the tuna salad that's still in your fridge?" Gabumon asked. 

Tai took a swig of soda. "Getting bad again, Ishida?"

"Yeah. Sounds like it'll be another Fridge Game Friday at Apartment 202."

Davis pumped a fist enthusiastically. "Fridge Game, yes!"

Takuya, of 04, raised an eyebrow. "Um, as newest goggle boy, I think I need to know what 'Fridge Game Friday' is."

"You don't _want to know what it is," Kari stated. _

            "Hey, can we get back to the Report here people?" Lia snapped from her revolving desk chair. "In case you haven't noticed, Tamers already ended in Japan and there's not much left of it here in America."

The camera pans over to Nicki's Psychiatry Couch segment, where she's got the *counts on fingers* …seven Tamer kids lined up on the couch. 

"All right, because there's seven of you, I'm just doing a rapid-fire Q&A couch session. First of all, is it really necessary for the lot of you to be naked when you do that bio-merge thing?"

"Obviously so," Takato answered nervously, wondering just how many small impressionable children he's scarred with his full-frontal androgynous nudity. 

"Next, Kenta, you realize you look like Joe spawn, right?" 

"Uh, yeah. And the MarineAngemon I get in a couple of episodes doesn't help either."

Gomamon pouts offstage. "Dude, MarineAngemon isn't even my real mega level. It's something else that's much cooler than that Care Bear of a fish."

"Rika, are you really Nimoy's lovechild?" 

"Nah, it was hearsay created by overworked FOX lackeys."

"Jeri, you get possessed. Why?"

The overly sweet girl with the puppet thinks for a minute. "Because it's an official rule that somebody has to get possessed and/or plagued by darkness per season. It was my time to shine."

Camera pans over to Matt, Sora, Ken and Kari, our resident seasonal Exorcist candidates. 

"Suzie, _WHY WON'T YOU FREAKING GROW UP?!"_

"Miss Pwetty-Pants says I don't hafta answer that if I don't wanna. And Wopmon is gonna pwotect me, wight?" 

Suzie's Lopmon, who's off flirting with Willis's Lopmon, waves her paw in a "yeah, yeah, whatever" fashion. 

            "All right, I'm done with this freaking show. I don't even like you people. I'm off to read smutty X Men-Evolution Nightcrawler pairups." 

Joe sighed heavily. "We've been traded in once again."

"For Marvel superheroes, no less," Cody added. 

"I suppose we're never going to get back on subject. While we're in this mode of idiocy, I might as well say that I got to use the equilibrium joke in chemistry today," Lia pointed out. 

"What equilibrium joke?" inquired the Tamers and the Frontiers-folk. 

            "It's all a matter of equilibrium," said Davis. 

"Wha?" Tai asked. 

"See, when you have two libriums and they weigh the same, you have equilibrium!" 

Cue the rimshot. (ba-dum ching!) 

Izzy and Ken looked thoroughly disgusted at that poor science joke, seeing as how they hadn't heard it. 

"I'm glad I wasn't in that episode," Izzy muttered. 

"I love you and all, Davis, but that was heinously bad," Ken added. 

"Dude, that was a riot, man!" Kazu stated. Everybody looked at him queerly. 

            "Okay, so, I guess we have nothing else major to report, since we covered twenty, thirty-something episodes in two pages. Hopefully I'll continue this and I plan on finishing up a long overdue Disasterpiece for you as well. Live from Studio Thirteen, I'm Lia Agianna, and this has been the Weekly Digimon Reports."

Agumon holds up a sign stating, "Brought to you by the letter delta, marshmallows, Sailor Neptune, Devil Ducky and various contributions from viewers like you."

~*~

            "I can't believe you actually cranked another one of these out. I thought they were done for good," Mimi mentioned as the cast scampered off to get supper, which happens to be chicken, again. Biyomon and Hawkmon are sitting Gandhi-style in the corner. 

"I know, but I came up with the thought at eleven o'clock last night and then again at six this morning while I was taking a long, hot shower," Lia replied, grabbing a fork. 

"Shower?" Matt parroted, eyes going wide. Sora whacked him in the back of the head with a bottle of ginger ale. 

"Stop being a hentai!" 

"Does this mean you're on good terms with the Tamers now?" Biyomon questioned. 

"Heck no! Aside from maybe Henry, they're an annoying lot and I'm glad they're almost gone. But I need them for a few extraneous projects still lying around so I can't get rid of them. Besides, some people actually like them." 

"What sort of extraneous projects?" Palmon asked, because Palmon never does much. 

Yolei grinned. "Rayearth Two. I get to love Willis to my heart's content!" 

Willis paled and started running off, fast. Really fast. Like Quicksilver from Evolution fast. 

"Can we just end the fanfic? It's getting boring!" Rika snarled. 

Ryo Akiyama, bandana boy, walked over to the Misty clone. "Hey, we're going to hop networks and go challenge the Yu-Gi-Oh cast to some Digimon card gaming. You in?"

Lia just shook her head and shut the lights off on the background. "We're done whether you people want it to be or not."

~*~

**Why don't my good friend readers welcome me back with a truckload of reviews?**

**_How about they don't?_**

**Matt, quit being cynical or I'll force-feed you a Peep.**

**_What'll that do?_**

**Get you more sugar high than Gomamon on Lucky Charms. **

**_Heh, I think I'll be going now. Later! _**

****


	8. Week...Um, Something

The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

So I'm a slacker, I know that!

            Remember when these used to be posted every Saturday? Well, when you're stuck in a Wal-Mart with fat people who smell like cabbages as you're trying to find a sleeping bag, some toothpaste and a bag of socks, you don't find time to write things down. And remember when, if it wasn't on a Saturday, the fic was posted on a Sunday? Well, when a woman passes out in church in the middle of the sermon, followed by Japanese ladies singing in Japanese to us, followed by a youth group meeting, followed by a trip to the mall to buy a cute pair of lavender Kaiser-glasses, followed by yet _another _trip to Wal-Mart, do you really expect me to do anything fanfic-related? And don't get me started on Daylight Savings Time! So, now that you've seen what misery my weekend has been, we can get on with the actual report, can't we? 

            "Hey Lia, _why _were you in Wal-Mart all weekend? Don't you know how unfashionable it is? Do you have any sense of taste? Do you even _know _what A&E stands for?" Mimi gasped in abject horror. Lia sighed. 

"Yes, Mimi. You're forgetting where I was this time last year. Why I needed Wal-Mart junk and cute new Kaiser-glasses. Why I'm so pressed for time. And why a small parcel of Japanese women sang to us and resulted in my minister later singing _Domo Arigatou Mister Roboto._"

Matt, who had just finished hitting the catering tray and was rounding the corner with a sandwich and a massive wad of Mrs. Agianna's seizure-inducingly good chocolate cheesecake, heard the tail end of the conversation and almost starting having a seizure himself. 

"No! Not again! Please, please don't tell me it's THAT again! Lia, you can't do this to me again, you just can't!" 

            The tech-booth crew cued up the 'Tool Time' music and Lia hauled her mannish work boots out of hammerspace. 

"Yes, it's Missions 2002! And this time, being a sophomore, I know the ropes and I can boss around the freshmen! Welcome to another edition of the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna and you're into Week…Um, Something. One new episode, but I don't think anybody really cares cuz Digimon Frontier aired over the weekend I think, so we've all got Frontier Fever. So, due to the fact that there's fresh blood around here and because you'll be seeing these midgets around more often, let's run the show with our brand-new 04 cast, starting with an episode recap from our new goggle-boy, Takuya Kanbara. Take it away, Takuya!" 

            "Hi! So, let's see, the Chaos, also known as the Cranberry Sauce from Hell, was erupting like a zit on a teenager. The four Digital Sovereigns, the Digital Gods of 02, got together and were not happy at all. They used Calumon, being the big important Catalyst, to invoke digivolution on all the nearby digimon, which he did. So there are mega-level monsters running around the Digital World and they're done using Calumon. And those Digi-Gnome things pretty much died. Kenta gets a first meeting with MarineAngemon, who will eventually become his partner. Jeri whipped out the sock puppet and she's now possessed. Janyu Wong, also known as Henry's father, sent out an Ark to pick up the kids…it's a digivice-shaped boat thing. However, Rika and Renamon had to run an 'errand' before they could go, i.e., get Impmon who has indeed reverted back to Impmon. Now the question is, will Rika, Renamon and Impmon get back in time?"

            "Thanks Takuya, I look forward to seeing you take up the helm for Tai, Davis and Takato come the new airing season. Okay, since Nicki is…Shadowmon, where's Nicki?"

The black-and-blue kitten looked around. "Um, I think she's reading smutty X-Men fics again. Something about Quicksilver and fishnets."

The cast started twitching. 

"Okay…well, since there's no Nicki for the Psychiatry Couch portion of things, let's go to Izumi Orimoto for…something. I'm not sure what. Izumi?"

Our new buff chick/girly girl nodded and said something Italian, but seeing as how none of us speak Italian we don't know what. She probably cursed at us. 

            "Ahem. Well, because I'm not as much a fruit loop as Nicki is, I'm not going to be a psychiatrist. But I have an interview lined up. I'm gonna talk to Calumon about his role as the Catalyst. Hi Calumon!"

"Hiyee hi hello hi!" 

Izumi smiled. "You're so cute. So, what was it like being Catalyst and all that? I mean, you're crucial to the survival of the Digital World and…"

"Let's play! I wanna play a game! We can run and hide and jump and oh boy, it'll be fun!"

"Right. But Calumon, is there some other secret we don't know about you? Like that silhouette behind you when you were searching for your 'Shining Digivolution' power. What was that?"

"A marshmallow! I have a marshmallow! Yay! Yay! Yay!" 

Izumi was starting to get very annoyed. She was trying hard to be a nice, civil girl, but as cute as Calumon is, he's got the attention span of a gnat. 

"Calumon, can you answer any of my questions for the audience?"

"Um, no? Do you want a cupcake?"

Izumi growled viciously and suddenly turned into Fairymon, a big imposing but damn sexy fairy who's definitely got props over Angewomon. 

"YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING CREATURE I HAVE MET! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELLED OF ELDERBERRIES!"

            The more immature and film going of the Digidestined applauded Izumi/Fairymon for her well-timed usage of a classic Monty Python and the Holy Grail insult. Good movie, good movie. 

Lia pulled her official Missions hammer from hammerspace and brought it down on the desktop. 

"Order! Order on the set!" 

"I'll take a bacon double cheeseburger with fries and a Coke!"

"Chili cheese dog!"

"Triple hot fudge sundaes with whipped cream and a cherry!" 

"Green salad with low fat dressing on the side!"

Lia glared at her cast with disdain. "That was not funny. Not funny at all. Izumi, thank you for trying to interview Calumon, you had more patience than me. Okay, so I was going to do a cooking segment with Mimi and my father, who's coming with me on my trip, but he has more important things to do."

            Camera is picked up by Willis, who takes it backstage. Mr. Agianna has Matt nailed to the wall and is coming up with exciting ways to slowly torture him. So far, he plans to turn his pressured power washer on the boy. That thing sprays water that would put a dent in a car! However, T.K. suggests that Matt be turned over to Yolei, who's new catch phrase, other than 'bingo' or 'perfecto' happens to be…well, Yolei can say it. 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me."

Matt's praying for the power washer. 

            "So, from Studio Thirteen, I'm Lia Agianna! I leave Friday night at eight o'clock Eastern Daylight Savings Time, and I won't be home until Sunday, April 21st. I'll probably dither more about it in this week's Disasterpiece, if I get around to writing it. I have a Daiken to finish, not to mention that Beauty and the Beast fic, and I promised Super Hurricane and Crayon some Batpig-themed stuff, and I have the Rayearth 2 parody and I plan on writing a Fellowship of the Ring parody. So, if you see no Disasterpiece, I've either not done it due to busy-ness, or I lost all the little slips I had the names written on. Until then I'm Lia Agianna, and I have a hammer!" 

~*~

            "Cody, come sit on my suitcase! I don't think it's going to close!" 

"Get Junpei to do it!"

"He'll squish my suitcase!"

Ken walks over to said suitcase, which is actually an oversized duffel bag on wheels, and takes out the purple-tinted girly Kai glasses, which are on top. 

"Cute glasses. They on sale?" 

Lia nods. "Six bucks. Seeing as how broke I am, that was a steal. Especially how much sunglasses go for these days."

"Almost packed?" Sora asks. 

"Yeah, just a few more things, like my carry-on bag and some last minute things I can throw in a bag Friday before I leave, like makeup and hairbrushes and my face medication."

Just then Mr. Agianna, wearing a hand-designed Missions apron, walks into the scene holding a large pot and a vat of mayonnaise. He's also quite damp, suspiciously so, as if he had been power washing. 

"Lia, how much room do you have left in your bag? Can we fit more cooking supplies in it?"

"Dad, I'm not putting a vat of mayo in with my church dress and stuff! And don't forget, for the next ten days I disown you for anything other than monetary purposes. I will not acknowledge your presence unless need be. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I have to peel my boyfriend down off the wall."

~*~

**It's true, I'm disowning my dad for this trip. **

**_Twenty hours on a bus with your father. I think I'd die. _**

**Can you believe my sisters get to go away and relax?**

**_While you're doing manual labor? Yes. It's just like them._**

**At least the weather's supposed to be nice. **

**_Enough chitchat, make the readers review so we can get out of here. _**

**I'd appreciate reviews, it'd be a nice send-off. **


	9. Week...I Dunno

The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

If I had a hammer…oh wait, I do.

            We're back in Studio Thirteen, where Lia is sulking at her desk. She had a pretty good vacation, her team did a lot of good, charitable work, and she got a decent suntan. So why be in a foul mood?

"I fell halfway down a flight of stairs at home and now I've got this huge bruise!" 

Nicki walked onto the set, reading a comic of classic X-Men. "At least you didn't fall up the stairs."

"True. Welcome back to another week of the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm your host, Lia. Well, I was too exhausted to write up the reports for the episodes I missed while I was away, so I'm adding them in with this week's. Let's get right on to business with a recap from our 04 angst-bishy, Kouji Minamoto. Kouji?"

            "Here's the lowdown. Everybody gets onto the Ark except for Takato, who wants to wait for Rika. The Ark starts to move, and they're afraid it will leave without them, until Guilmon makes it stop by screaming at it. That gives the others ample time to return…with Impmon. And turns out MarineAngemon was hiding in Kenta's pocket, so now he has a digimon. The kids all get home safe and sound, Takato reveals he has a crush on Jeri, who's all scary and possessed. Then we learn that the Chaos, or the D-Reaper, whatever it calls itself, has broken through the Digital World to the real world and is now attacking Shinjuku at an alarming rate. Of course it's up to the three original Tamers to stop it. And Jeri continues to scare people with her possessedness. Then Impmon goes home, where he finds a note from his partners. He goes to find them, and the kids, Ai and Mako, apologize for fighting. Impmon sees the Tamers in trouble as they fight the D-Reaper and tells them he has to leave. The kids give him hope, and he digivolves into Beelzemon, but this time he's on the good side. And the cranberry sauce from Hell continues to dish it out to the lot of them."

            Lia nods. "Thanks, Kouji, looking forward to seeing you guys in the English dub real soon. Man, with those black wings of his, Beelzemon's encroaching on Fallen Angel turf. Dang. All right, I think Nicki's run off again…Izumi, would you care to do another interview?"

The blonde Frontier girl looked nervous. "Who this time?"

"Digidestined possessed, past and present."

"…I guess."

            The psychiatry couch was pushed back and replaced by several bar stools, occupied by Matt, Sora, Ken, Kari and Jeri. Four out of the five of them seemed normal enough. Can you guess which one's still the fruit loop?

"Izumi Orimoto here with the interview of the day. I get to interview three seasons' worth of Digidestined who were more or less possessed. Matt, you were the one who started the whole thing. What happened?"

Matt sighed, taking an orange bottle out of his pockets and tossing back a couple of pills. 

"I wasn't exactly _possessed, _per se, more like…seduced by the Dark Side. That whole Cherrymon/Puppetmon plot thing, you know? Although Lia would like to call it possession. And then there was that deal with the cave. Serious depression, hallucination, screaming at Gabumon, who bit me…I still have the scars from that, you know, Gabumon! Yeah, so because of all of that, and the angst prior to season one from family issues, I became one warped teenager. And now I'm on Prozac. Lucky, lucky me."

"It's probably Matt's fault I got possessed," Sora stated. "It was his cave in the first place, and I fell into it."

"It was _not _my fault! And besides, wasn't it me who got you out of it?"

"And Joe!"

            Izumi sweatdropped. "Heh, moving right along…Ken, you were probably the most possessed Digidestined of your season. What happened there?"

"The Dark Seed/Spore that got implanted in my cerebral cortex took control of me. That, and grief for the death of my brother Sam. From there, everything spiraled out of control and I became the Kaiser."

"And Kari? You're the happy-go-lucky one! What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I got possessed last season, that time that Matt was trying to kill my brother. And I glow spontaneously sometimes. And get transported to other dimensions. And run around screaming 'the darkness, the darkness.' I think that's it. Maybe. I don't know, I was the weird Digidestined the producers left full of plot holes."

            Jeri was sitting on her stool, her eyes completely blanked over and lacking the proper anime shine to them. She was smiling eerily and swinging her legs back and forth. 

"And then we have Jeri, who's still possessed now. Jeri, how come you turn blonde next weekend?"

"…"

"Do we have a psychic medium around here or something?" 

Junpei walked on set with his Tarot cards. "I shall provide media. This girl says that she will be blonde and blue-eyed because there hasn't been any blue-eyed blondes in Tamers yet and every season deserves some denomination. First season were the two brothers. Second season were still the two brothers. Third season…nada. Fourth…you're blonde, Izumi, and Kouji has blue eyes." 

"Junpei, can you ask Jeri if she'd stop being possessed if we got her another Leomon?"

Junpei turned over a couple of cards. "She says no, followed by various obscenities."

"Aha. Well, I think that's all the interviewing for today. For the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Izumi Orimoto. Back to you in the studio!"

            "I had Nickelodeon on last night, watching Invader ZIM, and they had some commercial with various random characters doing something like a parody of anime shows. I'm pretty sure they ragged on DBZ, Sailor Moon, and maybe some other stuff, but I know they dissed DBZ and Moon. It was oddly amusing," Shadowmon mentioned. 

"Really? How?" Gomamon asked. 

"Helga from Hey Arnold was the Sailor Moon."

"Ech," replied Veemon. 

            "Hey! Stop interrupting, you three! We're still on! For the Weekly Digimon Repots, I'm Lia Agianna. Keep it here for updates and stuff. And read the _Lord of the Rings_ trilogy, it's good stuff! Speaking of which…Wizardmon! I know you ran off with my copy of _The Two Towers, _I want it back! I'm not done with it! Legolas and the others haven't even found Merry and Pippin yet!"

Said wizard had locked himself in the control booth, pretending he didn't hear a word. 

Patamon ran up to the camera and waved. "Stay tuned for _Batpig: The Musical!_ It's gonna be the biggest, best Batpig yet! I mean, come on! Who wouldn't want to read a fanfic with me singing in it?"

Crickets chirp in the background. 

"I know you did that on purpose, Ken, that was mean!" 

Ken grinned. "I know. All part of being an evil genius."

"_I'M THE EVIL GENIUS, NOT YOU!" _Izzy hollered. 

Lia walked off the set and shut the door behind her. "Even after I'm done, the chaos goes on."

~*~

**Another weekend, another report done. **

**_But you still have all those fanfics to finish. _**

**Don't remind me. And keep your eyes out for something new and different from me.**

**_Like what?_**

**My online manga, _Lysandria, _coming soon! **


	10. Week of Alice

The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

One ring to rule them all, baby!

            Lia finally retrieved her copy of _The Two Towers _from Wizardmon, where it's now set on top of her desk. Music from _Les Miserables _plays in the background, and the book version of that is in the hands of the great and powerful muse. 

"Man, when they say abridged, they really mean abridged!" Matt complained, thumbing through the pink-covered book. 

"The alternative is reading more than a thousand pages. Hello, and welcome once again to the Weekly Digimon Reports. I'm Lia Agianna, and this weekend we clear up a grievous error that we made because FOX led us to believe something that's really, really wrong. So, to get things going, let's head right over to our fortune-telling fat boy, the season four Digidestined Junpei Shibayama. Junpei?"

            The large boy in the jumpsuit was sitting at a round table draped with a purple cloth, a crystal ball in the center, and Tarot cards laid out in front of him. On his head he wore a bandanna. 

"Ah, the stars tell me…"

Rika walks over and yanks the bandanna off of his head. "Can the Miss Cleo deal and just review the freaking episode!" 

"All right, all right! Jeez, you don't have to be so hostile! As Lia stated, we reported last week that the blonde girl in the commercials was Jeri. It wasn't. Actually, Takato saw Jeri as they were walking, and she was mumbling some mumbo-jumbo that made really no sense. After being treated to a ten-course meal by their parents, the three Tamers headed back out to fight the D-Reaper. From there, they met a little girl dressed all in black and her digimon partner. The digimon, Dobermon…clever, isn't it…informed them that he had come from the Digimon Sovereigns to give them the power to bio-merge digivolve. And he kind of exploded into magical swirling lights. But the blonde girl is _not _Jeri, her name is Alice, and I believe she's the daughter of Mr. Wong's friend Dr. McCoy, also known as Dolphin. Oh, and we see Shibumi back in action as well, even though he was back last week."

            "Thanks, Junpei. I saw Alice's name in that newer function ff.net has that you can select characters to narrow your search, but I had no idea who she was. Anyway, because we have this new girl added to our casting ranks, let's go to Izumi Orimoto for a live interview. Izumi?"

"Thanks Lia! I'm here with Alice McCoy, the newest character in this whole saga. Alice, a couple of questions. Why show up when the season is almost over with?"

The blonde girl shrugged. "Toei needed a deus ex machina, I suppose."

"And the black? What's with that?"

Again she shrugged. "That blonde boy walking around with _Les Miserables _is wearing all black, so I don't see why there's a problem with me wearing all black."

Matt looked up at the camera in question. "What? What?" 

Izumi shook her head. "Nothing. Now, this roving reporter has one more question, but not for you, Alice, you're all set. Where in the world have Kazu and Kenta disappeared to? The only thing we've seen is the eyecatch during commercial breaks of Kazu!" 

            "Good question! And what's more, can the Tamers stop the D-Reaper before it's too late? And what's up with Jeri? Find out next time on…" 

"Davis! Cut that out!" the second season Digidestined shouted, smacking him upside the head. 

"Hey, I'm just doing my job as an informative narrator!" 

Izzy walked onto the set. "Actually, I can answer your last question. According to the commercials for next week's episode…"

Tai grabbed his shoulder. "Didn't you learn anything from last weekend? Don't go by the commercials!" 

"Yeah, but it looks like Jeri's not really possessed like Oikawa had been, but her body was cloned by the D-Reaper, which is actually some sort of feminine digimon creature, according to my sources!" 

"Invasion of the body-snatchers? Creepy!" Davis said. 

            "Well, that's all the actual news we're probably going to get in today. For the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. See you next…"

"WAIT!" Mimi cried, running onto the set. "What about us?"

"Yeah! Weren't you going to say something about this afternoon?" Sora added. 

Lia paused. "Oh yeah! I dug up my tapes of season two and watched a bunch of old episodes from the Oikawa arc. Man, those were the good old days."

"You guys were pathetic," Rika scoffed. "You didn't blow up digimon or anything."

"Really. When we were your age, anything that wasn't a friend got deleted, end of discussion," Tai added. 

"But digimon don't deserve to die! They're good, innocent living creatures!" Cody argued. 

"They're not so good or innocent when they're trying to kill you, are they? They're not so good or innocent when they've kidnapped your brother and tried to gun them down, are they?" Matt questioned. 

"Oh boy, Dark Master relapse. T.K., you might want to get the Prozac and the stun gun. I'm Lia Agianna, and I'm leaving before this gets any worse."

~*~

**I miss Digimon Adventure. **

**_That's 01-02 for the rest of us…Adventure was the Japanese name for it. _**

**None of this killer cranberry sauce and digivolving with your digimon. **

**_I remember wanting to do that. Our group never got any of the good digivolutions. _**

**No, they didn't. But at least you guys had proper villains. **

**_Yeah, that's true. Tamers has me really confused. _**

**I think it has everyone really confused. **


	11. Week of Much Jello

The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Matt, for the last time, quit pulling on my pigtails!

            We're taping from Studio Thirteen as usual, where Lia is hiding under her desk with her finished copy of _Return of the King, _much manga that's been randomly floating around, and Izzy's laptop, purloined so she could finally download _Tobira _after a friend on Digimon Kaiser Yamato's oekaki board told her where to find it. 

"Hey, welcome to a slightly belated episode of the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm your host Lia Agianna. I apologize for not getting these out sooner, but Mother's Day does take precedence. If you're wondering what I'm doing under the desk, I'm trying to keep Matt from pulling my hair again. I had my sister pull it up into French-braided pigtails since I had to do standardized testing and didn't want them in my way. The fecking muse finds them 'cute' and keeps yanking them. Anyway, two episodes this past weekend that fall under the good old 'shiny new' category. To head the summary is our last known member of the Frontier cast, whiny boy Tomoki. Take it away, Tomoki!"

            "Thanks. With the help of Dobermon's gift, the Tamers got to bio-merge digivolve and went off to take on the gelatin blob again. It's a really, really strong blob of Jell-o. Gallantmon got sucked into the ooze, and it devolved to Takato and Guilmon. Inside, they met up with what they thought was Jeri, but was really an agent of the D-Reaper. Suzi, Kazu, Kenta and their digimon all decide to head out and pitch in their support. Meanwhile Calumon and Impmon go to find the real Jeri, who's been imprisoned in a bubble of that red junk between the Hypnos towers. Actually, it's Calumon and Beelzemon, but who's counting? And later we meet Justimon, the bio-merge of pretty boy Ryo Akiyama and his Cyberdramon. Takato and Guilmon are pulled out of the Chaos by MegaGargomon and Sakuyamon, with a little help from MarineAngemon and Kenta, and they're back to fighting the goo again."

            "Great, Tomoki. Now, you're not going to try and escape from the Digital World again, are you? Because we've already determined it's useless to try, haven't we?"

Tomoki glances around, whistles, then throws a parachute, several sticks of dynamite, and a lightsaber over his shoulder in attempts to rid himself of incriminating evidence. 

"Whatever," Lia sighs; glancing around to make sure a certain blonde doesn't give her hair another yank. "Well, Izumi has some sort of segment, I think. Izumi, what are you doing?"

The blonde Mimi-esque Frontier member shrugs. "Honestly, I don't know. Kazu and Kenta…"

Said Tamers shove her aside, taking up the camera space. Kazu grins cheesily, and Kenta waves. 

"We're curing Jeri of her moping problem right here and right now!" Kazu declares. 

"Yeah, we thought that if Matt could cure Sora of her depression in under ten minutes, we could too!" Kenta adds. 

Jeri is hauled out by Tai and Davis, the small girl mumbling unintelligible stuff to her sock puppet as Calumon flies around worriedly. 

"Jeri, as chairman of the Fix Jeri Up committee, I present to you this……………………………………."

"Get on with it, Kazu!" Rika screams from the corner, where she's leaning against a wall and filing her nails.

"……Magic trick!" Kazu declares. 

            Kenta hands him one of Piedmon's reliquary white tablecloths, which Kazu proceeds to wave around in a Piedmon-ish fashion. The season one alumni groan audibly. 

"We've created a monster," Joe mutters. 

"We didn't the network executives did. You ever notice how we don't get paid for more than half of those episodes? Highway robbery, I tell you," Izzy adds. 

Kazu throws the white cloth in the air and it magically falls as if it had covered a person who hadn't been there a minute ago. He throws back the sheet triumphantly, revealing Leomon. Jeri throws a fit and starts bawling, clinging to the really big, really confused-looking lion. 

"I knew you'd come back! I knew it!" she wails. 

Sora leans over to Tai. "How'd they get Leomon to come back again? _We _couldn't even get Leomon to come back again."

"They didn't," Ken answers, overhearing them. "They stole _our _Leomon since we never used one."

Izzy growls. "You're explaining things again. I'm the only one who can explain things around here."

            "I think that's it for today, for the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. Stay tuned for—AUGH!" 

Matt grins evilly and waves. "You saw that coming, didn't you?"

"I'm going to kill you! Oh, you'll be so dead when I'm done!" 

Nicki, meanwhile, is playing cards with the rest of the unmentioned cast members and reading another X-Men comic in the meantime. 

"You hear they're putting either Doctor Octopus or the Lizard in the next Spiderman movie?" Yolei asks. 

"That's nothing. Nightcrawler is going to be in the next X-Men movie. And why are you talking to me? You're an evil little shrew and I hate your filthy guts!" Nicki replies. 

"I feel the love in this room," Kari sighs. 

"Moumantai!" 

~*~

**Touch my hair again and I swear to God yours will be wrenched from your head. **

**_You wouldn't!_**

**We'll have to start calling you Krillin. **

**_You'd never!_**

Watch me. *grabs a pair of scissors and grins sadistically* 

**_Lia, come on, it was only in fun…get those away from me…Lia! Lia!_**


	12. Week of Lia's Negligence

The Weekly Digimon Reports: Version 2.0

Okay, so I'm a little behind…make that really behind. 

            After a very long hiatus, Lia is trying to tie up some loose ends that she is only just realizing are loose. That means she has to run around and drag everybody out of the little closets that they were locked in. It took a good two hours to figure out where Matt went, as he'd been temporarily replaced as Head Muse by one Quatre Raberba Winner. Things are still looking pretty Gundam-y as of now.

            "Welcome to a really, really, really belated episode of The Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. The Tamers officially ended their season quite some time ago, but between finals and camp and driving…yes, Lia is driving. God help us all. Anyway, I just forgot to write a report. So I'm doing that now. First character that can escape from their closet gets to do the recap!" 

            Of course, being the only intelligent member of the Batpig team…and more or less the only intelligent digimon…Wizardmon happened to release himself first. It helps to have a stick of dynamite or two handy. 

            "I'm only doing this because I have to, not because I want to," he informed her. "Somehow…we missed that whole episode…Jeri is freed from her prison inside the Chaos, and the battle continues. Children all over the world cheer on our intrepid heroes, who fight mostly as bio-merges for the last dozen episodes. Takato and Guilmon are aided by the Arc, known as Grani, who serves as somewhat of a horse. And the Monster Makers, along with Shibumi, Yamaki and Hypnos, come up with a plan to destroy the D-Reaper. They send Terriermon…well, the bio-merge of he and Henry, into a vortex connecting the Real and Digital worlds and have him spin counter to the spin of the D-Reaper at a high velocity, which generates enough power to completely obliterate the Chaos, thus saving both worlds. Impmon's kids, Ai and Mako, are granted their very own D-Power, making them official Tamers. Suzie Wong, Kazu, Kenta and Jeri get to help out the important main characters. Ryo Akiyama gets to call Rika 'pumpkin.' And all the digimon have to return to the Digital World or be deleted, saddening partners and Tamers alike. But Takato discovers that the portal to the Digital World that was in Guilmon's hideout hasn't closed. And that was the end."

            "Thank you, Wizardmon. I appreciate it. Now, since I started this whole mess of episodic bashings, I come out of Tamers actually liking it a bit more. I find Henry cute; Ryo was about as Matt as I could get…Ryo was definitely the bishounen, hands down. And I absolutely love Calumon. If I enjoyed nothing else, it was Calumon. Well! New season coming up in the fall, and to officially spoil it…YES, THIS IS SPOILING! But not enough to ruin it all for you…the first technically gifted Digidestined to appear can handle this! Izzy, Ken…Yolei…anyone?"

            Spitting out a mouthful of mothballs, our favorite Ken Ichijouji makes his way towards the desk, a few cobwebs still stuck in his hair. 

            "All right, well, hello everyone. Yeah, so Lia probably already mentioned months ago that the new season, Digimon Frontier, is going to not be connected to our seasons or the Tamers, they are an entity all of their own. Lia also probably mentioned that they sort of turn into digimon, though we're not quite sure of all the logistics for that one. And I know you know Disney now owns the rights to Digimon and all its components, so the new season will air on one of the Disney-owned subsidiary stations…it's been rumored that it will be UPN, but we aren't certain. But what you may not know is that one, there's more gratuitous digivolving nudity, and two, the dub names. Now bear in mind, these are probably not finalized. Wormmon, the chart, if you please…"

Wormmon scuttles out with a large piece of posterboard on one of Lia's easels, which he tosses into a corner. 

            "Names," Ken continued, "will be shown in their original form followed by dub form. Thank you."

Takuya Kanbara…Takuya Kouji Minamoto…Koji 

_Junpei Shibayama…J.P._

_Izumi Orimoto…Zoe_

_Tomoki Himi…Tommy_

Tai took one glance at the color-coordinated chart and frowned. "Zoe? No offense to Izumi, but I keep thinking that little orange Muppet puppet from Sesame Street."

            "Don't we all?" Lia sighed. "All right, well, since we still have nothing much to do, and we're on summer kickback mode, Mimi has done a little research for us…I know, I know, Mimi doing research is somewhat of an oxymoron. Anyway, Mimi will now give her report on what's worth watching while we're waiting for the fall kickoff. Meems?"

            "Thank you, Lia. I spent a couple of weekends going through all the kids' networks checking out the summer programs, and I have to say I'm really disappointed. FOX has resorted to reheating Woody Woodpecker and the only new episodes of anything that are still airing are _Galidor, Power Rangers, _and _Mon Colle Knights. _Um, yeah. Personally, I happen to like _Mon Colle Knights _on occasion, mostly because most of my friends from here have voice acting jobs on it. Kids WB has nothing new that I know of…_Zeta Project _and possibly _Pokémon, _but that's it. Unless you really missed a lot of _Yu-Gi-Oh _or want to catch up on your _X-Men: Evolution, _don't even waste your time. Now onto my co-anchor Palmon for the new ABC Family weekend report. Palmon?"

            Said plant downed a shot glass of Miracle Grow and nodded. "Right. Um, this too is really kind of sad. ABC Family airs Spiderman a few too many times. Like six. In one day. Literally. And despite putting them on commercials, I have yet to see the Fantastic Four anywhere. _Beyblade? _All I have to say about this one is oh dear. I'm not even sure this is really anime, kind of like that _Totally Spies, _American made anime knockoff stuff? To be completely honest, the only thing really worth getting up for is _Shinzo. _Mimi and I like watching sweet Yakumo…who we're pretty sure is voiced by Jun…and her friends the Hyper-Interrans make their way towards the fabled city of Shinzo. There's action, adventure, humor, and Mushra, the absolutely bishounen-est bishounen you can get these days. Shame he wears a helmet, though. As for the rest of the main characters, we like Sago, but not his helmet either…or his eyes, he has funny eyes. And unless he stays all cool-looking for the rest of the series run, Kutal can just blow up. And we think Mushra has Michael's voice for most of it, which is a little depressing. Back to you, Lia."

            "Mm, I like Mushra too. Anyway, that should wrap things up. For the Weekly Digimon Reports, I'm Lia Agianna. I'll see everyone back here in September for the new season, hopefully. Otherwise, I'll be stalking the Gundam Wing section here at ff.net and you can catch me at my web comic _Lysandria, _which I hope to write some original works here for as well. To get to my web comic, it's in my profile, go there. And if anyone reading this knows how to html the pages, I'd appreciate the help. I can't figure out how to make the comic page stop defaulting to 'ugly.' Oh well. Email me if you can, read it anyways if you can't. Later, y'all."

~*~

**Um…did anyone ever find Matt? Or is he still MIA? **

Takenouchi: I'm not sure. Can you give us twenty minutes?

Orimoto: Zoe, what a joke. Isabel would've been cooler. 

Shibayama: I just hope we don't sound like Team-O Supremo. 

**Then I would lose all faith in humanity. **


End file.
